On My Own

I am on my own now.



This is not completely true; I have a family back home; but I have decided to move away, for now, at least now I at at college, going back is always an option I guess, that option I am hesitating to take.



While I am surrounded by more people now in such a close setting than any other time in my life I still feel some what, helplessly alone. This may be contributed to the fact of my personality, I tend to push stuff away when it gets tough or I get to stressed out. Maybe it has something to do with how I grew up (not saying my parents did a bad job raising me) but I can start to see trends of my some what anti-social childhood starting to catch up with me. While I try and show this non-chalant attitude toward people in general it is starting to become bothersome why creating close relationships is a struggle. They seem to always end the same way, myself reflecting on what went wrong, why I put up this or that offense that overall led the relationship to end. The same thought always goes through my mind: is it always me,/my fault that no one can get close to me.



Thats why now, on my own seems so appropriate, there is a long drawn out story behind this message (which I will get to another time) but the end results comes to losing a close friend of many years due to my shear inability to maintain close relationships.

While I do not believe this collapse in friendship is solely on my hands there are elements of it that fall on my side of the fence.

Away at college, surrounded by tons of people, yet it seems I have no one to turn to with my true feelings to relect on. Interesting, trouble-some, ME. I am ok, a happy person, I am enjoying life-I live everyday to its fullest and am happy with who I am.

Random Quick Thoughts

The world un-traveled leads to an inexperienced person, and inexperienced person leads to seldom in the way they live, seldom in the way they live leads to no effort to change.

Today is only today-it might have been a bad one, but the good thing is that tomorrow is a whole new day.

Put everything in perspective.

The best days of your life is today so live it like it was.

Things happen becasuse something has to happen otherwise what would we all be doing.

Lets Start-My So Called Motto

I am who I am because I say I am.